No Company Cheese!

Did you ever see an unhappy horse?  Did you ever see a bird that had the blues?  One reason birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses

-   Dale Carnegie

In the same way that our attitudes and intentions can invoke the sacred, they can also banish the sacred by provoking tension, restlessness and discomfort. Our attitudes and priorities around the things in our homes, relative to the people who live there or come to visit, affect those people and our home environments.  

Last year I went to a shop in Beverly Hills to buy some quality cheese. It was a reminder gift to my wife of our beautiful trip to Paris the previous Christmas. Many of the terrific meals we had eaten in the Parisian restaurants had involved delicious cheese. I bought a large wedge of very fine white truffle cheese, took it home and put it in the fridge. The next day I took it out, intending to sample it.

“Hey Jagatjoti,” my wife said, “should we save the cheese for company tonight?”

“Oh, this is company cheese?” I joked. “So we only get house cheese? I want company cheese!”

“I want company cheese too!” said my almost–three-year-old daughter. But she was completely serious. Soon she and I were chanting together, “We want company cheese! We want company cheese!”

Of course my wife appreciated my silly humor, and we all ended up eating company cheese. Company cheese is now a family joke. But it points to a real principle about how to live, and not live, in our own homes. The principle is this: first and foremost, home should serve the people who live there. But sometimes we set up a home environment for the benefit of others, at the expense of those who live in it. This is a company-cheese mentality. It creates tension and discomfort, and makes people (usually the children) second-class citizens in their own homes.

That was the problem in the perfect designer home I grew up in. For example, our dining room had a beautiful mahogany table. God forbid that it should’ve ever been scratched, or eaten at for that matter. Heaven help us if it should’ve ever suffered a water stain! So I never felt comfortable at that table. It was a company table in a company room. I only sat there once or twice a year for family holidays. The rest of the time we ate at the table in the kitchen.            

So I don’t believe in having “company” furniture, food, rooms or spaces in a home. Nothing kills an altared space like the feeling that you don’t belong or aren’t welcome. A home feels best when everyone who lives there feels welcome and at home in every part (although we ought to have privacy and dominion in our own bedrooms.) No company cheese!

In this spirit, I suggest not buying furniture that, if it got scratched or stained in the course of living, would ruin your day. Do not buy furniture that, if your child opened it or hid something in it, would make you feel that you’d been violated. Don’t buy “freak-out” furniture that, if someone went near it or used it without following specified protocols, would send you into semi–rigor mortis. Don’t invest furniture and other home items with your neuroses. No company furniture! Let it all be used!

When things in a home become more important than the peace and comfort of the people who live there, you no longer have an altared space. If you have a fine wooden table that you don’t want to get water stained, keep plenty of coasters available or be willing to refinish it later with no regrets or complaints. Better yet, don’t worry on principle.

Furniture that you worry about, that you invest with your neuroses, becomes a potential booby trap in your home. Such pieces become magnets attracting the very things that will blow up your peace of mind and drive you crazy. They will create subliminal tension in you, your family, your guests and your home. They will be sacrilegious objects on the altar of your insanity. As a child, did you ever go to the home of a friend to find plastic covers on their living room couches and chairs? If you’re like me, it didn’t make you feel welcome or at home. Our use and enjoyment of the things in our homes ought to be a higher priority than whether or not they get scratched, nicked, marked or stained over time.

A company-cheese mentality is a kind of stinginess or poverty consciousness. It’s about controlling, hoarding or holding tightly onto things. It’s similar to a miser living in poverty with a fortune hidden under the mattress. Be expansive in your home! Let it all be available for use! Let the living commence! Let everyone eat the company cheese!

-  Posted by Jagatjoti S. Khalsa,  author of a new book, Altar Your Space, A Guide to the Restorative Home.  For more information about Jagatjoti Khalsa, his writing or work, see his website,  www.jagatjoti.com.

Altar room in home of Jagatjoti Khalsa